


Simply Drowning

by king_kkai



Series: Shit I write when I'm sad [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gender Dysphoria, Other, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Transgender, Trapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/king_kkai/pseuds/king_kkai
Summary: A short story of a boy who feels trapped.
Series: Shit I write when I'm sad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855900
Kudos: 5





	Simply Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning // self harm, dysphoria, suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> This is a little vent story lol.

He looks down at his wet chest, he feels nothing other than disgust and anger.

Why does he have to be like this? He just wants to be normal, he wants to have a normal fucking life. 

He is trapped. Trapped in a female body and he can't ever escape, he is forever trapped. He's so disgusted in himself.

His hand subconsciously grabs the razor laying on the side of his bathtub, he raises it to his wrist, quickly making lines into his flesh. "Fuck.." He mumbles, "there goes a whole year of hard work." Blood runs down his wrist and onto the floor of the bathtub, he watches as the mixture of water and blood goes down to the drain. He sighs, he feels relief... sort of. He turns off the water and steps out of the tub, he starts drying off and immediately goes to take care his self inflicted wounds. After cleaning them and bandaging them he stands there, sitting in his towel that covers his disgusting body, he hated it so much, he wishes he could just get a new one.

The young boy reaches for his binder, his body hurts from wearing it for so long. He knows he should take a break from binding, but he just can't stand looking down and seeing a chest. "You're so gross. Nobody wants a fucking tranny!" He cries as he looks at himself in the mirror, tears fall down his face, he hasn't cried in a while, its such a weird feeling. God, he's such a baby, he shouldn't be crying, there's no reason to be crying. People have it much worse then him, he doesn't deserve to cry. No matter what he went through, he does not deserve to cry. He doesn't deserve anything. 

He takes a deep breath and finishes putting his clothes on and doing all he needs to do, he goes up to his room and sits on his bed, staring outside his window in deep thought. At this point he feels like he just can't go on anymore, he doesn't have any motivation, he has no future to look forward to, everyone gives him false hope. They all say he can make it in life, but he knows they're all lying straight to his face, he isn't smart like his other friends, he has no talents, no social skills. Nothing. He has nothing. There is no point for him to be alive, he's just there for his friends and that's all, his life doesn't mean anything and it never will. Everyone says things wont always be like this and that they're always there for him, but why aren't they there when he needs them most? When hes stuck in his head late at night, thinking of ways he could leave this earth or when hes thinking about the guy who ruined his life, the one who took his innocence away and made him feel like all men will take advantage of you when you're in your most vulnerable state. It is partially his fault, he's too scared to ask for help. He's always scared.

He's trying his best. He really is. But his best seems like nothing to others, they know he can do better so why isn't he trying harder? He needs to try harder.

It feels like he's drowning. His depression is slowly consuming him day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. It's like he's forever swimming in a sea of sorrow and each time he gets to the surface of the water, he is just pulled back in again and its just constantly repeating itself each time. Over and over again he is pulled back deep into the water and he struggles to get back out every time. His suicidal thoughts take over his mind, he desperately wants to end it, he's sure that if he does it, things will be so much better for everybody because come on, lets face it, everybody knows that he's just a burden and all he does is complain and bother everybody with his dumb issues that mean absolutely nothing. His problems don't matter and they never will. 

His coping mechanisms don't do anything anymore. Nothing helps. He is forever in a constant war with his mind.

And he seems to be losing slowly each day.

He's trapped. He will never be free from his depression, anxiety and dysphoria. He's never going to be free no matter how hard he tries.

He's simply drowning.


End file.
